As he typed out the words “I like him,” Ho Qijun’s heart inexplicably raced several beats faster. Sitting alone on the hotel bed, he stared blankly at his hands, pressing them against his chest. It became clear that he couldn’t deceive himself any longer at this moment.
He might indeed be a little moved. Acknowledging this gave him a reason to hold on to; anyone who was loved so meticulously by Lin Wei couldn’t possibly remain indifferent. He, too, was merely a mortal susceptible to emotions.
However, drawn in by such a captivating love, he ultimately realized he would have to return to reality. He felt he certainly couldn’t accept being truly with someone of the same sex. This flicker of emotion wasn’t enough to shake the orientation engraved in his very being.
“This is a problem you need to overcome by yourself. Do you expect me to bend you just with a couple of words?”
Fu Xiaoqing, frustrated with his reluctance, decided to be more forceful: “If you really can’t accept it, just keep your distance from Lin Wei. He’s someone who understands subtle feelings; if he realizes how you feel, he will decisively withdraw his heart gradually. There will be someone more suitable waiting for him in the future.”
“He’s such a good person; he deserves a relationship that comes naturally, not like your feelings for him, which need to be squeezed out!”
Ho Qijun instinctively wanted to argue that he wasn’t forcing anything, but as he thought about how to explain his hesitant heart, he couldn’t help but feel that Fu Xiaoqing’s appraisal wasn’t entirely incorrect. After some time, he finally understood the nuance.
The term “forcing” suggested he bore some unwilling emotions through this process, but perhaps it would be more accurate to describe his current mindset as “unable to let go.”
However, he could never express such thoughts aloud, nor could he type them out; thus, he found himself backspacing repeatedly in the reply box, and several minutes passed without him forming a complete sentence.
Until Fu Xiaoqing, tired of waiting, finally suggested: “Stop overthinking it, straight young master! Go find a movie to watch. If you can accept it, fine, and if not, then put away your stubbornness and let him love someone else!”
“I’ve seen movies with two men in love. The feeling is entirely different when compared to my own situation!” Ho Qijun believed he didn’t harbor homophobic feelings, but he also didn’t consider himself one of them.
Fu Xiaoqing suddenly felt an admiration for Lin Wei’s usual patience in dealing with Ho Qijun, and her tone became progressively firmer as she typed.
“Idiot! Who told you to watch an art film?!!”
“… Oh.”
Ho Qijun, caught off guard, felt his ears burn and his face gradually heat up. Thank goodness he was alone and no one could see him.
“You’re the idiot! Thanks!”
He sent this final message and quickly exited the chat interface, leaving Fu Xiaoqing with the same notification silence as Lin Wei for the day.
Ho Qijun suppressed the awkwardness within and opened the chat with today’s second “victim.”
If Fu Xiaoqing was an informed party, then Fang Yueyue was likely the legendary oracle. Of course, whether her predictions would prove accurate remained to be seen, but her understanding and interest in such matters were certainly not conventional.
So, Ho Qijun asked her for that kind of movie to observe without feeling guilty, and without a doubt, she had some!
When Fang Yueyue received the message, she was stunned. As Ho Qijun had expected, she did have some, but she was still surprised, as she didn’t understand: “You and your partner haven’t been to bed together?!!!”
Ho Qijun, expressionless and red-faced, stared at the text.
Ever since she and Ho Qijun had formed a bond over the “boyfriend” incident at the matchmaking banquet, she had shed her demure facade entirely, unafraid to drop bold comments like this!
He was already overwhelmed, but Fang Yueyue continued: “How have you two managed to hold back? Aren’t men supposed to think with their lower halves? You’ve been dating for so long and you’re still pure Plato!!!”
Ho Qijun shut his eyes in frustration, wishing he didn’t know how to read. Anyone who might apply such words to him and Lin Wei was definitely advancing too fast for his comfort.
“Stop rambling! Do you or don’t you?” He begrudgingly accepted Fang Yueyue’s words—why should he use his brain when there was another part to think with!
“Yes, yes, yes!” Only then did Fang Yueyue calm down. “Hold on a second, I have too many! If I pack them all together for you, it’ll take too long, so let me just see what types I have…”
Ho Qijun really wanted to say he could just take any one of them, as he only wanted to test if he could accept it; he didn’t genuinely want to learn by observation.
While he was contemplating this, Fang Yueyue sent over screenshots of images that two men simply couldn’t describe, flooding his phone screen all at once. Ho Qijun almost reflexively tossed away his phone.
“Enough! Enough, don’t send anymore!” He struggled to stop Fang Yueyue, who just kept messaging.
“None of these catch your eye?” Sensing his reluctance, Fang Yueyue replied after some thought: “Well, of course! You have such a handsome boyfriend; it must be hard to find any interest in these!”
Then she suggested: “If your eyes can’t handle it, how about I send you some written content instead? It depends on your comprehension whether you can learn anything!”
Ho Qijun thought about it and decided it was indeed better than the overwhelming visual impact from before, seeing it as a gradual approach.
Thus, he received a collection of G-rated literature and lay on the bed, engrossed in reading one piece after another.
Perhaps because the written word allowed for more spaces of abstraction, Ho Qijun didn’t find it as uncomfortable to look at as he had moments ago.
He became absorbed in reading, unknowingly wasting an entire afternoon until Yuyu knocked on his door in the evening, asking if he wanted something to eat.
He instinctively wanted to say he wasn’t hungry, but as the words reached his lips, he thought of something else and agreed, telling her to wait while he changed his clothes.
As Ho Qijun donned his tie, he mused that he was just too lazy to endure Lin Wei’s nagging, not realizing that Yuyu might mention his refusal to eat as casual chatter to Lin Wei.
But in reality, Lin Wei never pushed too hard when expressing concern for him, never really nagging; he didn’t know why he felt a sense of dread as if Lin Wei would chide him for his missteps.